Sunday, May 8, 2011

Things You Don't Do In A Kitchen, Part 2

So, after missing a post yesterday due to exhaustion, here we go with the exciting finale to our story about "Joel"

Well, as you all know from the last post, every day we would normally find Joel stroking his dick in the alley while everyone else was working. This irked us, yes, but he got back to work once we started in on it, so it never really seemed that bad. It was only the tip of the iceberg though, as we would eventually discover. Once our culinary school externs finished their externship, Joel was alone in our commissary kitchen doing prep work while Rob and I would run one restaurant, and Patrick the other. This was where it began to go down hill. Fast.

It started out with him just being slow, meaning we had to work right up until 5pm when dinner service would start at our fine dining operation. This wasn't a big deal, we weren't rushed, we were just barely fitting it all in at a normal pace. Until Joel started fucking things up. Then we found ourselves prepping until 5, then Rob would open the restaurant and the rest of us would finish prepping, sometimes almost until 5:30, because we would have to redo something that was inevitably screwed up by Joel. Sometimes the things are understandable. Not acceptable, but understandable. Other things...not so much.

A few things that Joel fucked up in his time with us
Scones (omitted an ingredient and insisted it wasn't in the written recipe)
Mayo (1 egg 1 cup oil shouldn't be that hard to remember)
Potato Salad (see above)
Scones (ignored the recipe)
Scones (Don't remember how exactly, but it was strike 3 on scones)
Dishwasher ($400 repair)
Risotto (over cooked)
Salad Dressings (dude can't emulsify)

It wasn't just things he fucked up either. It was the cigarette breaks every 15-20 minutes, stopping what he was doing every time he said something (and he couldn't keep his mouth shut), and just slowing things down across the board.

On a number of occasions, he air-humped me. Once, he actually grabbed my hips. For the record, none of those occasions could be taken out of context, because he just did it out of nowhere. Normally I would pay it no mind. But he was a big bald ugly mother fucker. It was just plain wrong.

Happy Mother's Day!


  1. lol, ''dude can't emulsify''. What a cool sentence.

  2. Parts made me lol. Following...

  3. Funny story.


  4. Oh jeez, I'm not a cook and even I know how to make scones. Though I don't know what "emulsify" means...

  5. ok you've just reminded me that i have to wash my dishes :)

  6. Haha, funny story, keep posting!

  7. and I thought I was bad...I'm liking this. Keep it going! More angry bile, for the bile gods!

  8. talking about food makes me hungry =x